Dating Troubles?? Then read this right now!!

In today’s time and age finding the right partner is extremely challenging. We all get thoughts that maybe we will turn into skeletons waiting for our so-called ‘THE ONE’

The whole universe of you liking someone and they liking you back is a well-played game and yeah it’s a twisted one. Hope this helps everyone out there because I learnt it the hard way by over complicating things, dating some not so mentionable people and losing sleep ..OH my precious sleep !! So not worth it!

I always thought that being a straight shooter, calling it like it is and putting your feelings out there is the way to go. I was under the impression that people will appreciate my honesty and earnest efforts and that will make them like me more.

SPOILER ALERT! IT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY! 

The reason wearing your heart on the sleeve doesn’t work is no one wants what is easily available. Even me, who wore my heart on the sleeve all the time. We value things which are hard to get under the assumption that since they are hard to get they must be worth all the drama 

So I am going to share some insights, I realized are very important over time. Did you ever wonder why the guy/girl you like didn’t take you seriously compared to the person they are dating right now? And you just can’t make any sense out of it!

I have heard many people complain that the person they like never likes them back. And the one’s interested in them are nowhere close to their type. I was one of them! It took me a long time to figure this out but finally, I did. The guys I liked never liked me back was because I gave in too much information too soon! I thought I was really honest, cool, sweet, no drama and saying all the right things but Nahhh! I was unknowingly giving away all the mystery and betting everything too early on and that’s why it never worked. 

When we really like someone we are so excited that we found someone interesting and that makes us eager and impatient. Emotions come rushing in and rationality goes flying out of the window. Sometimes you try too hard because you really want this person to see your true nature. Maybe you have been single for a long time and you actually want to win over this ‘RIGHT ONE’ who walked into your life after a million years. And because of this – without even realizing it you start giving off this needy vibe. You somehow project that you feel incomplete or something is missing from your life. 

When you are fake and needy even if you don’t know it yet, trust me their sub-conscious mind latches on to it.There is nothing wrong in needing something or someone but you should have a full life even without it. Be ready for it when it does happen meanwhile don’t waste your time yearning for it and making it your sole focus. Neediness shows in the smallest of ways, it doesn’t have to be something in your face. Whatever you are feeling is conveyed one way or the other no matter how much you try to mask it. Vibes are by far the strongest deciding factor. Human beings have natural instincts to react to vibes even without their own knowledge. 

This entire dating game is a push and pull mechanism. We want what we can’t have and ignore what we have. Have you wondered why a ‘hard to get’ person seems so much more appealing? That is because they are hard to get! That’s what makes them attractive. The entire process of chasing and then finally winning over that person gives you a sense of achievement.

You know how you can be attractive too?

1)If you like someone, there is no harm in letting them know you like them. It is not a crime to make the first move. You won’t come across as desperate. But the idea is to approach them but still maintain a certain dignity about it. The precedent you set for yourself is going to determine the entire course of the relationship you may or may not have. Setting your precedent means you express your interest but at the same time have a life of your own. Be confident and give only as much as you get back. Yesss! I know his/her blue eyes or their smile makes your heart melt but remember if you give in too much too soon, the same blue eyes will bore a hole right in your heart.

It is ok to be selfish. Pace yourself. Give in to the relationship gradually, one step at a time. This will protect your heart and self-respect. Let them unravel you and become worthy of your time, love and respect. Watch for signs and don’t ignore if at any point you start feeling that you are being taken for granted. 

2) No matter how crazy you are about this person do not be available all the time. I am aware that when you like someone all you can do is think about them, dream about all the possible lovey-dovey scenarios, you start to smile like a silly idiot when you think of them. But BE BUSY! DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR LIFE FOR ANYONE. Never sideline your friends, your interests, your career, your family etc. A relationship is part of your life not your whole life. Having your shit together and going after what you want is what makes you more desirable. What does all this do? It shows you have a life and you are not sitting around just waiting for them to make it better and this makes them want more of you. Even if you are relatively free or it is easy for you to take out time for them – DON’T BE AVAILABLE ALL THE TIME! Fake it till you make it. The more often you do this, it will happen organically and you will have much better control over your emotions.

3) This is for the girls – If he always contacts you discreetly and is least interested in your life, it means you are his ‘Booty call’. These guys just want to get in your pants. How you respond to him in the very first instance will set a precedent. Be polite and say ‘NO’. See for yourself how these guys disappear like thin air and the unique bullshit you will hear when they get what they want. If you both want the same thing – it is totally your choice but if you are looking for a meaningful relationship then it’s as good as you buying stress and rejection. If you are important and respected by him you will be able to see it very clearly. 

4) If he asks/sends you inappropriate pictures please go to your contacts and delete him. No answer is the best answer. You will know a pervert when you see one. 

5) If they are doing everything right, giving you attention, being considerate, caring and all those things which make us feel heady and happy then please reciprocate. Don’t be this stuck-up, pricey person. Any relationship is half of what you give and the rest depends on the other person. This shows that if treated right you will give back equally.

This doesn’t mean you hover over them all the time. Don’t get needy and emotional. If you don’t push away a bit you will never know if they are truly interested. If you show them initially that you are completely hooked on to them they may give up the chase. You need to give in at times and pull away to maintain that spark for a while. What this does is makes them hang around longer and actually get to know you. If they do stick around – Voila! They really like you for what you are and you weren’t just a fleeting phase of interest. Even you wouldn’t be interested in a person who is available all the time.

6)Guys love girls who are cool and not drama queens! So actually be cool and don’t crib, fret and NAG! Even the most beautiful girl seems extremely unattractive when she is nagging constantly.

There are million other things which set our value in other’s eyes. I feel we expect, assume, create and get upset over things by just one small action of the people we like but ideally, they are not even aware of it or intended to do so. Since our emotions are so invested in them we get hurt easily.  KEEP THINGS SIMPLE.  Don’t nag, but talk in a calm tone. Don’t send long messages accusing them. Don’t put statues on Facebook hinting how useless they are. If you are not getting what you want then change yourself rather expecting them to change.

I feel we women thrive on drama. I know a lot of women who would anyday fall for a BAD BOY over a NICE ONE. I was one of them. Bad boys are exciting and there is so much mystery and drama, although it almost always ends up to be a toxic relationship full of stress and second guessing yourself. We feel we can fix ‘BAD BOYS’ and get them back on track. We are not “FIXERS”. We need to fix ourselves first. In reality, there isn’t anything you can do about them. All you will be to him is an emotional crutch he falls back on whenever convenient.

What you can do is be the amazing prize he wants to win. To be the prize you must shine in all areas of your life and not get lost in all the drama in his life and forget about your own goals. Focus on your life and provide moral support but do not start attaching your goals and future to the ups and downs in his life until you are absolutely sure of each other. If he looks up to you, he will want to be the man you desire. Focusing on bettering yourself should always be your top priority. When you are at your best you come from very a secure place and you are that much better at everything, be it your career, your relationships, your hobbies etc.

 

How we feel within reflects in our environment. When we nag, stress, accuse, fight and create a tense atmosphere it spills in all areas of our lives. Try changing yourself – be happy, cheerful and then talk about your issues in a non-accusatory tone to see a difference.  If they are right for you, they will not take advantage of your goodness and do the same for you.

If you have recently been through a tough time in your relationship – Yes – cry, be sad, sulk but don’t drag that phase for a long time. Their ego might get a massage seeing you all broken over them but deep down they will respect you more if you get a hold of your life and don’t sit and sulk till the end of time. The right guy/girl will notice all the things in you which the wrong person didn’t. When two high-value people come together they are balanced and unravel themselves slowly, valuing every new aspect they discover about each other. They become worthy of each other’s love and trust. 

We nowadays have this whole new idea of being independent, strong, overpowering and ready to leave at the slightest bit of trouble brewing. I think we all need someone no matter how strong and independent we are. Being strong doesn’t mean handling everything alone. Sometimes being strong means recognizing the need for help, care and love from others. I read this somewhere “Strong is when you are served and not doing everything by yourself” ~ Unknown

Please do not get influenced by ‘Bollywood Movies’. The love they show in these movies is nothing short of being an ardent ‘DOORMAT’ and ‘STALKER’. It is hilarious and unhealthy on so many levels! I would be freaked out if any guy would sing songs for me all the time, act like a cry baby, stalk me everywhere I go and just relentlessly won’t take “NO” for an answer. I could never respect someone whose existence is defined in such a way.

I learnt it the hard way, hopefully you can learn from my escapades! When you change yourself, I bet you the guy or girl you thought was way out of your league will suddenly seem not so out of your league 

Being single is boring and lonely at times but it is much better than being treated badly even if it’s very subtle. Your mind knows that you are getting a raw deal but you keep convincing yourself that this is the best I can get and the thought of starting everything all over again is fairly unnappealing. In the long run, all this will come and bite you in the ass! So focus on yourself – Become AWESOME – Attract AWESOME and not some mediocre, half-hearted and uncertain relationship where the ball is never in your court and it’s always the other person calling the shots. 

Drama is good for the movies. In reality, it is STRESSFUL!! So love yourself above everything else 

The kind of people you date in your life is a reflection of what you think of yourself. SET YOUR VALUE HIGH so only the best can afford to be with you. It’s all you! 

How to fall in love with the right one and be this amazing person everyone wants to be around? — Check out my post – http://thehappinessvault.com/in-love-with-the-right-one/

Chin up! Keep Smiling!

Love, 

Anu

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