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8 signs of Toxic Relationships! Read Now To Learn How To Deal With Them!

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It is hard to contest the fact that all of us have been in toxic relationships at some point in our lives. Everyone else can see that we are in an unhealthy relationship except for us. It’s almost comical that we often fail to understand ourselves ! And we are the last to know what is right for us until we get a rude awakening. Don’t we own our mind, heart, body, and emotions? Actually – NO! Sometimes it takes a lifetime of mistakes and blunders to truly understand oneself. Why is it the most difficult thing to do?

A humungous amount of control is given to others and we rely on them to make us feel beautiful, validated, loved, respected and desired. Most of the time we function by basing our life decisions on circumstances or people to change. We place so much importance on getting validation from others that we forget to focus on who we truly are. Validation is extremely important and if it comes from the right source it catapults us into the right direction and improves our life by leaps and bounds. The golden rule to follow is that the world changes from the inside out. Our mind is a universe in itself – the world we create in our head is what will reflect outside.  “As a man thinketh in his heart, so he shall be” ~ James Allen
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Relationships are a very big part of our lives – we thrive on them, they make or break us. Life is better when shared. However, sadly, we alone are responsible for having the wrong people in our lives and allowing them to treat us badly. First and foremost, we need to be able to recognize toxic behaviors only then can we eliminate toxicity from our life. We are so mentally and emotionally invested in these dynamics that it makes it that much more difficult to see things clearly.

8 SIGNS OF TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS:

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Key things to understand about Depression!

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The recent death of Chester Bennington got me thinking – that how many of us truly understand what ‘Depression’ is? How does it feel? There is a huge difference between being ‘Sad’ and being ‘Depressed’. We use the term ‘Depression’ so loosely every time something uneventful happens in our life. Sadness most often has a reason – but sometimes ‘Depression’ – doesn’t! It might be so frustrating and confusing to not be able to pinpoint a reason. If you don’t know the issue how can you fix it? Depression is a dull, gloomy, grey feeling which hangs over your head no matter how much you try to shake it off. Every time someone commits suicide especially a Celebrity, the topic of depression becomes a global issue. I am glad that it creates awareness – we absolutely need that! Although, each one of us should take more responsibility in our everyday lives.

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I experienced Depression just once in my life, where I received some unpleasant news about my mother’s health. If someone gave me a million bucks to describe how I was feeling, my words couldn’t do justice to it. It’s a strange feeling – a feeling of being standstill, drowning in a hole where the sounds around you are muffled, everything else is a blur. The worst feeling in the world is waking up in the morning and feeling like there is absolutely nothing to look forward to. You feel absolutely NOTHING. The best food feels tasteless, the funniest moments don’t make you laugh, you are out with your friends but you are just physically present and mentally your mind is in a fog. Some days you feel good and think that “Phew! I am out of this dark place!” but then the feeling of nothingness and hopelessness creeps in slowly and drags you down. It doesn’t announce its arrival. There are no evident physical symptoms but a slow, listless, dull, grey and empty feeling. You try to cry but even tears refuse to corporate and provide you any relief. Can you imagine a life with no hope?

How does Depression occur?

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How much should you care what others think of you?

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We all have two faces. One is our true authentic self, known only to you and your inner circle. The other is for the outside world which is the outcome of our worldview. They together form a wholesome balanced individual. Sometimes the balance goes for a toss and that is when the mayhem begins. When the inner and outer worlds are at war we begin to lose sight of our abilities, potential, strengths and everything becomes clouded. We get further and further away from our true self and let others take over our identity and define us as per their own perspectives.

In my twenties, I thought I was making the smartest decisions. I lived and trodded on different paths with reckless abandon. Meh! I will figure it out. I really didn’t care what people thought of me. At one point, there was so much talk behind my back that I reached the pinnacle of giving a damn. I was never the crowd pleaser or tried to be fake – failed miserably even when I tried. I was a silent introvert, observed everyone, choosing my inner circle carefully. Not that people were dying to get in but I cared two hoots what they wanted. I don’t think I didn’t care out of bravery or because I was supremely confident. I just gave up. I blocked them out before they could reject me I rejected them.
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An Ounce of Gratitude is worth a Million Benefits!

GRATITUDE – is the quality of being thankful and appreciating everything we have in life. It is to be kind, selfless and humble and not treat it like a debt which must be returned. It is being just plain thankful for what is and what will be without any expectations.

It takes a ‘Nano-Second’ for us to crib and feel disappointed about unexpected situations and results. How swiftly we forget all the blessings we have in life and immediately focus on what we don’t have. We always find something to complain about and if there is nothing to complain about we complain about that too. Being grateful is not just a behavioral trait but it also has a paramount influence on every area of your life be it your relationships, career, the people you attract and your health. A healthy mind state makes your bodily functions run smoother and more effectively.

Robert A. Emmons, Ph.D., is the world’s leading scientific expert on gratitude. He is a professor of psychology at the University of California, Davis, and the founding editor-in-chief of The Journal of Positive Psychology. And he says that “The practice of gratitude can have dramatic and lasting effects in a person’s life,”

“It can lower blood pressure, improve immune function and facilitate more efficient sleep. Gratitude reduces lifetime risk for depression, anxiety and substance abuse disorders, and is a key resiliency factor in the prevention of suicide.” “Gratitude blocks toxic emotions, such as envy, resentment, regret and depression, which can destroy our happiness.” Emmons said.
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Diary of Single Women! Thank You – Not! You Judgmental Bunch !

I think after being a single woman for a while, I am amused, surprised, annoyed, exasperated and very motivated to finally write about this! What am I talking about? I am talking about the way the world perceives us ‘SINGLE WOMEN’. This is not some feminist article or me shouting from the rooftops about equal rights for women. This is about plain practical common sense.

I met a friend of a close relative lately. He must be twice my age. He was being friendly and cracking harmless jokes. He seemed like a decent old guy. I was polite, smiled, answered his questions and that’s all! That truly all it was from my end! I forgot about the entire conversation and moved on with my life.  I think I would have a better memory of an ant crawling on the floor than about the conversation with him. A few days later he started texting and asking me out, commenting on my pictures and automatically assumed I gave him ‘Those Signals’ and that I am attracted to him physically. Whereas I just had a normal respectful conversation with someone who I thought was elder to me. It just blew my mind! What kind of demented antenna did he have to receive such absurd signals?! I wish I could share his picture with you guys so that you could see how bizarre his assumption of just this one conversation was!

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Heard a rumor about yourself which made your blood boil? Find out how to deal with Rumors!!

If you have ever been subject to nasty rumors, you would know that they are more than just a juicy piece of gossip. There is a huge difference between rumors and gossip. Rumors can be extremely damaging to a person’s mental and emotional well-being. Gossip is just entertaining news, often not intended to cause serious harm. I was subjected to very nasty rumors all throughout high school. It started off as idle gossip which snowballed into a major web of lies, with exaggerated details, gory descriptions of imaginary situations which just turned into an ugly mess.

I was way too young and immature to even understand what hit me. I have never spoken about this before except to my near and dear ones. After a point, it just became impossible for me to go and clarify it to everyone. It just spread like wildfire. It altered my personality and haunted me for the longest time. It affected my confidence and I kept my interaction limited to a very few people. Whoever I spoke to or wherever I went, I felt they all knew about the lies spread about me and are judging me away to glory even though they probably weren’t even thinking about it. I could not enter a room with my head held high without the fear of being scrutinized. Fortunately, I found rock solid support in my family and friends and that pulled me through. Continue reading “Heard a rumor about yourself which made your blood boil? Find out how to deal with Rumors!!”

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Love-Hate Relationship with Valentine’s Day? Do something different this year!


Do you have a Love-Hate Relationship with Valentine’s Day? Maybe you are happy or miserably single. Maybe you are blissfully committed or in a dead relationship which has lost it’s spark. Perhaps you are in a ‘no strings attached’ relationship. Whatever is your story there is so much pressure and hype around Valentine’s Day, right?

For ‘Committed Folks’ – to make it an unforgettable romantic experience. For ‘Singles’ to find a Date and be ready for all the love, cuddles, PDA and mushiness to be rubbed right in your face! Social media, friends, malls, TV, movies, songs, food and possibly everywhere you look is a constant reminder of what you should or shouldn’t be doing. Your relationship status sticks out like a sore thumb. The poor ‘Singles’ are forced to feel lonelier than any other day of the year. For some reason, it seems like everyone is compensating for the things they didn’t do in the last 364 days.

I have to confess whether single or committed I have always been PRO-Valentine’s! I mean why not?! A special day to express love – I can’t see anything wrong with it. We all know we can’t treat all days as Valentine’s day and be lovey dovey all the time- that just wouldn’t work. We would probably feel smothered and not value it enough.

A lot of people dislike Valentine’s Day especially the ‘Singles’ and I don’t blame them. The most Cliché advice for Singles on V-Day is – pamper yourself, go shopping, eat your favorite ice cream and what not. I think that’s too much ME ME ME! When you do these things all by yourself (specially on V-Day) you probably feel the lack of a special someone a bit more than usual. 

 It’s all in the way you look at it. Why not reinvent Valentine’s this year?! Maybe this ‘One Day’ you don’t think about what you want, how you feel, blame people for disappointing you and have any kind of expectations. For a change, you make this day all about the people you love. It could be anyone – your mom, your best friend, your pet or just a kind selfless act for a stranger who least expects it from you. Ah! that twinkle in their eye – will be the best reward!

If you are single -Yes, you will feel lonely, you will want someone to pamper you, love you, care for you. I know that V-Day is right in your face, breathing on your neck and churning your stomach. You are OD’ing on Valentine’s Love which reminds you of everything you don’t have right now. Trust me it is so much better than being with someone who is half there, who technically qualifies as your better half but makes you feel miserable. It is also so much better to wait for the right person and be alone now than to waste your time being sad. Feel what you have to feel but dust it off! The sun always rises after a dark night. Instead of wasting your energy in feeling sorry for yourself why not invest it into making someone happy?

You know what happens when you constantly stare at one spot, right? The background is blurred. Similarly, when you focus only on the kind of love you do not have – the abundant love that you do have in your life is blurred too. 

For the Committed Folks – renew your love for each other. Appreciate and be grateful for this wonderful person in your life. This Valentine’s Day try to focus on everything they did you for you rather than what they didn’t. Even if it isn’t your fault, make the first move – do something nice for your better half and don’t expect anything in return.

For a change, don’t make V-Day about yourself. Make it only about people you love. Won’t you have the biggest smile on your face if someone did something for you? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”

If nothing, then just resolve to become a more loveable person and for that, you must get rid of any kind negativity and doubt. Forgive your exes and let go of any grudge you have towards them. Determine to have compassion for even those people who are a pain in your neck. Express and appreciate people who deserve it but you never got around saying it out loud to them. Try to focus on the good in people and less on the bad and most importantly – to love yourself a little more.

I am not going to tell you to buy chocolates for yourself or go to the spa or shopping! You know why? Because as much as Valentines is about love – it makes you feel that much more unloved. So why not spend it with people who love you unconditionally? So if you are single or unhappily committed – It’s ok Darling! It’s just another day! Why concentrate on finding only romantic love – look around –there is happiness and love everywhere, just open your mind to it. If you still can’t feel it – give me a shoutout! I will remind you of how lovable you are!

Don’t be that person who covers up his/her own bitterness and loneliness by pretending to be strong and belittles this day. The truth is you would LOVE for someone to do something ridiculously cheesy and romantic for you, whether you admit or not.

I know you are not a Saint but give it a go! It’s just one day! Trust me it’s much more rewarding than feeling sorry for yourself.

To Do List this Valentine’s Day 2017:

  • DON’T WALLOW IN SELF-PITY
  • DON’T SETTLE FOR ANYONE JUST BECAUSE IT’S V-DAY
  • BE SELFLESS AND MAKE AT LEAST ONE OTHER PERSON HAPPY
  • LOVE YOURSELF 

Happy Valentine’s Day You Sexy Bunch! Keep Smiling!

Chin up,

Love,

Anu

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How is Growing Up working for you? 15 things you experience when Growing Up!

“Grow Up !!” If I had a penny for every time someone said that to me, I’d be fairly rich! I always wondered what does it even mean? I will grow up with every passing day anyway – Duh! Why in such a hurry? Why do people keep saying that? I thought to myself I was so sorted in my head, they were the one’s who are stupid. I felt they were like annoying flies buzzing in my ear, forever critical and then they would say the 2 most annoying words “GROW UP”

All through my adolescence, it felt like a Warzone, a phase which I couldn’t wait to get out of! I prayed to God to make me an independent adult soon so that I am not answerable to so many people.  I already had a million obstacles to overcome like constant peer pressure, academics, extra-curricular activities, issues with friends, crushing on boys, family stuff and my own body going through so many changes. I am sure you can relate to the fact that every problem in your teenage years seems as complicated as running an entire nation! Continue reading “How is Growing Up working for you? 15 things you experience when Growing Up!”

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Dating Troubles?? Then read this right now!!

In today’s time and age finding the right partner is extremely challenging. We all get thoughts that maybe we will turn into skeletons waiting for our so-called ‘THE ONE’

The whole universe of you liking someone and they liking you back is a well-played game and yeah it’s a twisted one. Hope this helps everyone out there because I learnt it the hard way by over complicating things, dating some not so mentionable people and losing sleep ..OH my precious sleep !! So not worth it!

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In Love with the Right One?

 

We resolve a million times to stay away from toxic people, situations and relationships and yet slowly find ourselves getting weaker and crawling back into same mess time and again. Sound familiar?

This goes out to all of you who have based your worth over the approval/validation of others and may not even realize it. Mind you, there is no magic formula. These are things which helped me fall in love with the ‘RIGHT ONE‘ and you know who that is? IT’S ME! I know right! There she goes again about the same beaten to death cliché of loving yourself. It is a ‘CLICHÉ’ because it is a tried and tested success formula to be able to give yourself much more than you deserve.

But the question is HOW DO YOU LOVE YOURSELF? Especially when someone just made you feel unwanted, rejected, less of yourself and unworthy of what you are asking. The hardest thing is to stand up for yourself when no one else does.  Continue reading “In Love with the Right One?”

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