“Unhappy people suffer twice. When they are not happy and when they see others who are!” ~Vanga Srikanth. Put one negative person in a room full of happy people and he or she will suck all the happiness right out them. Let’s face it – there are more discontent, complaining and sad people in this world as compared to the opposite. Being happy and content is a lot in our control but we are built to focus on what we don’t or can’t have. I know life is not all hunky dory – and we have enough of ‘love yourself’ and ‘there is always light at the end of the tunnel’ talk going on. No one seems to remember this when we are in the eye of the storm. Life is such- it is stubborn, has a mind of its own and forces us all to either fall or rise above our shortcomings. The choice is ours. We often turn our difficulties (which are opportunities in disguise) into our misery and push happiness further and further away.
“All birds find shelter during the rain. But an Eagle avoids rain by flying above the clouds. Problems are common, but attitude makes all the difference!” ~ APJ Adbul Kalam
10 CHARACTERISTICS OF PERPETUALLY UNHAPPY PEOPLE!
Pessimists believe that there is never an upside to life and only bad things are in store for them. They are classic whiners, resentful and have a hard time believing they deserve better. Feel empty when they do not have problems to crib about and drain the optimism right out of everyone they know. Pessimists don’t enjoy moments of happiness because they are busy finding faults in it, only see the one small dot on a big piece of blank white paper, they get well only to be worried about falling sick tomorrow, they feel the past was horrible, present is messed up, the future is grim and cannot see the silver lining or lesson in any situation.
2. IRRESPONSIBILITY & SELF-PITY
They always have someone or their circumstances to blame. In their eyes, they are seldom wrong and it is always someone else’s fault. Irresponsible people sprint away from being the in the driver’s seat. They don’t see the need to change anything about their beliefs, actions, behavior, personality or thought process. They don’t take responsibility for their actions and own up to their mistakes. Escapism is their only relief and absolutely hold themselves accountable for nothing! They are always wallowing in self-pity and feel they are victims of injustice, are usually taken advantage of and put themselves down in front of others.
Complaining erases good fortune. Complainers cannot appreciate what they already have and hence the universe never rewards them with new things. It’s the law of nature – the more we complain the more negativity and ungratefulness we are giving out into to the universe and that is what it will throw back at us. People who are always complaining may be the most beautiful people, yet will seem unattractive. They push people away because of the unpleasant and grim aura around them.
It’s good to stand up for yourself and defend your stand when need be. Although there are some people, when presented with a different perspective or given constructive criticism – jump to defending their actions every single time. They don’t listen to the message but get busy with shooting down the messenger. They put you down, point out your mistakes, question your authority to correct them and completely miss the point and are least receptive to feedback.
5. INABILITY TO LET GO.
This is an extremely tough one and we all struggle with it day in and day out. But there are some people who just cannot let go, be it another person, situation or an argument. We all have trouble letting go of something we really want. To begin with, the thought of letting go comes into the picture because it is no longer ours but we refuse to see it. We compromise our self-respect, we chase people, we make up our own versions of the truth to suit us, we blame ourselves or others and hope that if we hold on to it long enough the situation will change. During all this drama, we lose sight of the truth and feel extremely anxious and insecure.
6. UNREALISTIC OR TOO MANY EXPECTATIONS:
Expectation is a synonym for disappointment. It almost always sets us up for a fall. We have a million expectations and unfortunately no matter how much we have been advised against it – it is impossible to not have them. Unhappy people expect a lot and bear the weight of their expectations on everyone around them. They have unrealistic expectations from people and feel the world owes them and end up being disappointed every single time. They often lack the ability to understand the other person’s perspective and can only see things one way, thus concluding no one cares about them.
7. STUCK ON BAD EXPERIENCES:
We all have pitfalls in our lives. There are 2 kinds people. One – where they rise above the situation, learn from them and do better next time. The other- where they get stuck on one or few bad experiences. They repeat the same instance every single time and believe that this is how their life is going to be in perpetuity. They are always looking for the other shoe to drop not realizing that they have the power to change their situation.
Jealousy is defined by the feeling of anger, resentment or insecurity towards someone who has what you don’t. A little amount of jealousy and healthy competition hurt no one. Although when you are consumed by it – it is a different story altogether. It’s an intense emotion and stems from helplessness and insecurity. ‘If we can’t beat them, bad mouth them’ becomes the agenda. They don’t leave any stone unturned in defaming or setting others up for failure. It might be instantly gratifying but in the long run, the fire within them – burns them.
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9. WORRY, FEAR, AND ANXIETY.
They are constantly worrying about the future. They are often gripped by fear to make any big changes and are stuck in their comfort zone. Should a situation arise where they must step out of their comfort zone they are filled with anxiety. They are crippled by these emotions and their life decisions are governed by them.
This is the easiest way to feel good about yourself – blame someone or your circumstances for your problems. When we are constantly blaming others, we refuse to acknowledge the part we play in the scheme of things. That is why we lose the ability to own up, introspect to mend our ways and get the same undesired result because our patterns are unchanged.
The things we run away from – run after us. The moment we run away from our situations we lose all our power over it. Negativity is like a black hole – it sucks everything and everyone in it. We start seeking comfort in being sad and discontent and it becomes oddly satisfying. It is easier to accept that life will be a downhill ride than being brave to face the uncertainties of life. Self-pity makes us feel like life is not under our control and there is nothing we can do about our situation. Marinating in sadness, self-pity, and negativity makes us feel there is a savior out there who is going to pull us out of this mess. Unfortunately, the harsh truth is – there is no one out there.
Only you and you alone can wake up, get up and get a hold of your life. The only way out of it is through it. It’s ok to feel negative emotions at times, crib and complain- it is impossible not to but we have to shake it off. Dealing with it in a timely fashion, a little attitude adjustment and seeking help will make all the difference.
If you find yourself spiraling in these characteristics time and again and you are in an unhealthy space right now – DONT GIVE UP JUST YET! You are stronger than you think!